Here comes the rain again...(Prompt: Back Alley from 100_situations)

[ladyofavalon77]

Title: Here comes the rain again...
Author: ladyofavalon77 
Rating: PG
Pairing: Charles and Martha Logan
Warnings: Martha/Aaron fans beware!
Summary: When it all falls apart will Charles be there for Martha?
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Fox and the TV Show 24

The rain storm started shortly after her escape from the press, the secret service detail, and everyone else she wanted to leave behind as she ran as far away as she could. Pulling off her satin high heel pumps, Martha Logan tossed them in the nearest garbage dumpster and just kept running until she couldn‘t any longer, collapsing on the cold, cracked pavement from sheer exhaustion and frustration. She didn’t know where she was and she didn’t care. Some back alley in New York City. One of many that would be searched that night after her abrupt disappearance from the charity benefit she was supposed to be attending. Let them think what they would…Martha Logan had finally had a mental breakdown.

I’m sorry, Charles. I know this doesn’t fit into your five year plan but I can’t take it any more. I won’t smile and wave and act like everything’s alright. It’s NOT! We’ve lost a son…our son. How can you just continue as if nothing ever happened? As if he never existed?

Stumbling through the pouring rain, she found some shelter against the brick wall of an abandoned warehouse. Raindrops mixed with tears and mascara as she closed her eyes shut and tried to block out the pain. Clenching her hand into a fist, she beat the wall behind her a few times in frustration while shaking her head to rid herself of all those wonderful moments…those carefree times…when she, Charles, and Matthew…were a family. For each one she recalled was like a knife through the heart, reminding her with every painful twist of the blade just exactly what she had lost. It was more than one person could bear, but here she was, all alone -- battling her own demons once again.

Will it always be like this? Charles standing before the cameras and the world as if everything is fine. Never mind the fact that I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown…never mind that we lost our SON. No, just make it look good for the press and be on time for the next event. That’s all that matters.

She shouldn’t have to fight this alone…no one should. He had promised to be with her in sickness and health but when she needed him most…she found herself alone. Just as she always was…just as she always had been. Slowly slipping to the damp concrete once more, Martha Logan closed her eyes and surrendered herself to the inevitable. Whatever happened would happen one way or another. She just didn’t care any more. At least she was away from those damn cameras and Secret Service agents.

“Martha!” a voice suddenly shouted through the pouring rain and she opened her eyes to find the worried face of her husband hovering just a few inches above her head as he quickly shed his suit jacket and wrapped it around her shivering shoulders while pulling her to her feet before she could say a word. “What were you thinking? You could catch your death out here.”

“Well, at least you‘d get your name in the paper. Maybe the sympathy vote too,” she snapped at him, yanking her arm out of his grasp.

“What do you mean by that?” he asked her, completely shocked by her response. Turning on her heel, she finally decided to give her a piece of her mind. After so many years of being the supportive wife, it was high time he started supporting her.

“What do you think it means, Charles?” she countered, emotionlessly watching him wince at her sharp tone.

“After twenty years of marriage, I would hope my husband would know me well enough by now to understand what I’m going through. Or do I really need to spell it out for you?”

“I came back early so we could talk…you said we needed to talk,” he stammered, unsure what to do with her in this volatile state. “So let’s go back to the hotel and talk.”

“No! I won’t let you smooth this over just like you did with our first miscarriage…just like you did with Matthew’s funeral. This is not something we just sit down and discuss.”

“Then what do you want, Martha?” he finally challenged, his own temper beginning to flare as the rain continued to drench them both. “I mean every time I think I have you figured out, you change your mind…every damn time. It‘s an exercise in futility just to keep track of which mood you‘ll be in today.”

“Oh yes, you have it so hard. A wife who‘s always on the verge of a mental breakdown so you have to run damage control before the problem even appears. Maybe if you act soon enough, the press won‘t even find out. Maybe if you’re really careful, they’ll actually believe we’re a perfect married couple. It doesn’t matter that your wife needs you,” she countered, her voice laced with sarcasm.

“I don’t need this, Martha…not today,” he finally stated and turned on his heel to leave when he heard her speak once more, the sarcasm replaced by a sorrow so real that his heart softened at her words.

“Do you miss him, Charles?”

“Every day,” he whispered softly, closing his eyes before slowly turning around once more to face her. And as he did, he could feel his heart break again. For there she was…slumped shoulders, ruined hair, mascara running down her cheeks…all the signs telling him that she hadn’t gotten over Matthew’s death. And he had left her to fight these demons alone…without protection.

“You never say anything,” she whispered as he came closer and put his arms around her. This time she did not resist and just rested her head on his shoulder.

“Martha…I haven’t said anything since the funeral because the moment I do I know I won’t be able to stop. I miss Matthew every damn day. I miss his smile at the breakfast table, I miss his ‘Hey Dad’ when he came home from school, I even miss his jokes about my height,” he confessed to her quietly and she could hear his voice starting to crack as he remembered the son they had loved so much. “But I can’t dwell in the past, Marty…if I do…I might never come back. I might have lost Matthew but I refuse to lose you.”

“You haven’t lost me yet,” she assured him but not before adding. “I just need you here, Charles. I need to know that I’m not going through this alone. I don’t mean to sound needy and I don’t mean to be demanding. I just don’t want us to look back at these years and regret we gave all our time to a political campaign that means nothing when we could have spent that time together which means something.”

“I know…I know…you’re right,” he whispered back, his head resting against her damp hair. “What should we do?”

“Take two weeks off. Disconnect your cell phone. Tell campaign headquarters you’re unavailable. Make sure everyone knows you’re not to be disturbed. Then you, me, and the smallest Secret Service detail we can manage will retreat to my aunt’s summer cottage for some time alone. Two weeks is all I ask for,” she told him simply. “That and a promise from you that we will do more things together.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he replied and felt his heart lighten at the first hint of her warm smile retuning.

How could I have left her alone like this. Was I so blind to my career goals that I misread the one person was there from the beginning. I don’t deserve her. I really don’t. Let this day remind me of what I could have lost…let it remind me of how blind I can become to the one who‘s closest to me..

Neither said a word on the way to the hotel. There was no need. Their argument had brought to light a number of pressing issues in their marriage that needed to be dealt with. And she fell asleep n his shoulder, Charles slowly put his arms protectively around her after kissing her gently on the forward. Despite how strong she appeared in public and even with him in private, Martha really had a tender heart that felt things deeply and experienced losses even more profoundly. It was this heart she had given him to protect.

Why, Martha? You had to know my weaknesses when you married me. You had to see the character flaws that everyone always points out. And yet you still entrusted me something so precious? There’s only one answer I can think of…something so simple but that’s why I know it’s true. You really do love me.